If you're like many parents, you know you should talk to your children about relationships, sex, pregnancy, contraception, and family formation. But - also like lots of parents - you may not know what to say or when to start the conversation. You're probably not ready to broach the subject tonight at dinner, but you know you have to do it sooner or later...preferably before Mr. or Ms. Right Now shows up.
So, what to do? Here are some tips to get you started...be sure to also read our other resources in this section, like Ten Tips for Parents and Talking Back.
- no one wants a biology textbook for a parent: sure, kids need to know how the human body functions...but that's only one component of understanding sexuality. Love, trust, feelings, and a million other things play into the discussion, so don't go into it armed with a list of definitions. Talk to your teen about more than body parts. Not sure what they want to hear? Ask them.
- you don't have to know it all: there's nothing wrong with saying "actually, I don't know" when your child asks a question. You may be older but it's no crime not to be wiser. Use this as an opportunity to find the answer together; make yourself approachable and you'll be the one they come to - instead of their decidedly less well-informed friends. And for the record, when asked, teens overwhelmingly respond that their parents are the most influential when it comes to making decisions about sex, love, and relationships. It's not their friends, it's not the media...it's YOU.
- use daily opportunities as conversation starters: there's nothing more awkward than walking into your child's bedroom, asking that they take the earbuds out, and launching into a lecture on sex...it's uncomfortable for you AND for them. So don't force it. Instead, use the situations that arise every day - a plotline in an episode of their favorite TV show, a news story about teen pregnancy, a song that's all over the radio but seems a little suggestive - as segues in conversations about sex, love, and relationships.
Have you had a really helpful conversation with your teen recently? Do you have some good advice for other parents on how to start the conversation or what to say once it is started? Share your experiences with us! We'll post the best ones online to help out other parents.
Need more info? Visit the Parent's Portal resources section.